how could i, stand

I guess what could really wake me up
is when someone really give me a big whack, or just let me fall.

I am so sick of myself.
for some while...being like this.
irresponsible, hot-tempered, impatient and all kind of stuff.

Sometimes i wonder am I just a burden for people around me?
Cause i felt like giving trouble is the only thing I had done.
contribution? It's not my stuff anymore.

Charity?
I can't even stand up for myself.
How could my future build up...
and even go for an event like charity
giving helps.

If life gets better in future,
tell me.
Tell me at least one more step I'm gonna take
would changes everything.

no more troubles,
but giving a hand to others.

Maybe, at least flipping through some books would be better
listening to songs and reading novels, fiction.


how could I stand.
How could I make it
to be stronger
or more clear on what am i suppose to do.


Or maybe,
the cruel stuff ever
someone you loved that leave you.


Cut those craps
I am always inferior on a side
...


Saying " I  need some time " is bullshit.
Cause I have it all enough right now..
because i didn't fill it with great things in life.

Clear.Clear.Clear.

I detected virus in me.
now I scanned it.
But how can i fix it.