我还是我，机会

我不怕孤军作战

我只怕世界没有容得下我的地方

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我喜欢蓝蓝天空
很喜欢很喜欢

驾驶在高速公路上

前面的天空是布满乌云的

我行驶向快要下雨的地带

倒后镜里的天空确实美丽的

有时候不得不承认

这个社会往往是后面的一切才是最真实

 天空半边是云朵  

迎接着晚霞

这是我的家园外   天气好的时候

天空总是特别的美丽

重复的听着TaylorSwift 的 Safe n Sound

手提琴，钢琴还是吉他版本的纯音乐也下载了

不停的重复着

 很多事情

仿佛回到了一个人承担

感觉  很熟悉  ，好像要对自己说 “久违了，这个我..最近好吗？”

 Don't you dare look out your window darling

Everything's on fire

The war outside our door keeps raging on

突然发觉自己的寂寞

好可悲

看着一位朋友送的水晶球

有一种特别的感觉

曾经没有说出的抱歉，现在保留的尴尬

摇啊摇  雪花飘啊飘的 

不摇  就没有雪花了 

我的零食tupperware, 很衬吧

----------------------------------------------------

五月的四日

那天去了放风筝

看着风筝努力的向上飞

风向转变，又要抢救

这是当时候正努力等待风向来

准备要飞翔的人

很多事情不是以强求

很多事情   是要等待机会的来临

雨影，

你好吗？

久违了的部落格

想再次沉默

篮球不打了

泪撑住了

还是回到爱把一切收起来的我

比较熟悉

比起相信任何人

这样我更有安全感

疯

雨影 啊~

我都还没有告诉你

番薯恋爱了

可是

这是我和你的秘密哦

她完全不顾我的感受

不听讲

要走人就走人

要留下就留下

她好像盲了一样

看着荧幕自己傻笑

啊不然有时候就大笑

她告诉我 她很眼浅

没有想过自己是如此这般

知道自己软弱的一面后

开始更担心自己无法像之前的坚强

因为

她恋爱了

雨影

番薯真的很三八

她有时候发呆 有时候点子一堆

又不见得是放在学业

而是她感情里

我真的看傻眼了

我的天啊 有没有人能提醒她一下啊？

我再忍下去 我就真的想巴她 一下

"醒啊醒！"

算了

她说她在情人怀抱里哭过一次

那是第一次

然后另外两次 是自己耍白痴 自己弄哭自己

我的天啊` 她不如干脆去撞墙缝针时才哭吧

真的要 "醒啊醒!"

每天听什么"如果有如果"

发神经似的` 说有开始火花的感觉和回忆

我又再次给她射枪`

听不下去了

雨影 帮帮忙吧

啊不然我真的爱疯去

Where's my BGF?

501.

My boss said, I have quite some luck with opposite sex.

Oh` Met quite a lot of people recently.

Birthday Parties.

High School Friends.

" Where's your bf ? " , always the same question from my uncle, that i thought he would never ask when me meet again on saturday, mana tau he asks on monday. Faint.

" That N leh? " , always the same question from my friends who seem to be quite close with me.

Countless, seems like quite lot of people know about my firstttt love. -.-

Well,well. He called me ytd night and we talked lotsa bullshit.

Ngekngek.

He gotta come down bring me up. :DDD

* come up bring me down ( geography failed )

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I delete the whole post of what I typed at first time. It's too long.

Crappy.

I ask myself now

" Where's my gf ? "

:/

別靠近我

強烈的反感

最近自我保護的感覺越來越強烈
別碰我
口頭上是說潔癖
其實真正原因我不知道
但別突然碰我
別碰我的東西 ...

補習完全不能專心
腦袋空白
腦袋裡只有《我真的受傷了》 的旋律
補習後，是月光陪著我走到家裡
別靠近我
鄰居和他走在後面聊天
很反感...
我加快腳步
他們也加快腳步
別擔心 街燈到處都是
就別靠得我那麼近
影子別靠近我
影子別超越我
那很沒安全感
Stay a distance from me.

到大家各自走去自己的屋子
我看著月亮 漸漸的模糊了
微風吹過 勉強地在心裡笑了笑
感覺 安全了

一個人的時候
還是比較好

還是說
我對男生有時候會不自覺
保持距離

我不是有病
我只是沒安全感

How terrible am I - A fall

How Terrible

I don't know how terrible am I.

but not as terrible as those people who don't appreciate and never say 'thank you'.
Well, yea I read 3 chapters of The Book of Tomorrow.
That's what on my mind now. Rich people has their way of living, their way of speaking, thinking, and even the worst part - acting.

I don't know how terrible am I.
Reading the beginning of the story, I felt I am living a life full of happiness which I never really realise what was it.
Is not like I am going to realise until someone just left me, someone important in my life left me.
No. I need to stand up.

I don't know how terrible am I.
The point is.
I feel like sticking a note on my door writing " Do not OPEN the door "
or else
" Do not disturb , I need some air " - locking self in a room do not have air -.-
.. or like this
" Sorry I shut the door and the key is with me, Do no TRY to dash inside or kick the door. Put the shirts outside I'll do the laundry.. "

I don't know how terrible am I
Well well, my point is.
Leave.Me.Alone.

This is how terrible I felt I am now.
Confine myself in my room. Maybe 'confine' is not a nice word to describe.

Friends told me this.
" Do you ever think that you're actually keeping a distance with everyone? Like you never want to walk our from a box. You don't wanna try or accept the facts and the reality coming to you. " - what's the suitable word? start with an "I" vowel.

I don't want to eat dinner, I don't feel like having it.
I am terrible.
Seriously I want to say this to myself, fuck my life.

Someone just give me a big fall.
falling from a cliff would be good , but i dun wanna be Bella and expecting Edward would come back. No.
I just a need a fall. Hell ya, Love is not a thing for me now.

but how about Love of God?
I need to go church.

FML

ISOLATION - that's the word.

for now I don't think crying is a way.
it's lame
it's stupid

a fall.

Either you could say I am lazy
or I am just not the type of explaining.
Well I just don't like to explain

For now.
I hate answering.
I hate explaining.

Deep down inside of me , inferiority is growing.
Subconsciously , I wanna fight with it.
Superficially , I am just like what I am now. An emo freak.

People would fed up with this.
So do I.
You see, how terrible am I.

Always
favorite sad song ever

恐惧

是我有问题
还是有假期是问题？
不明白？

Nevermind.

当我背着书包，一步一步地走着
没有音乐，没有节奏`
只有轻快的脚步声

已经走过上百次的路
突然觉得恐惧
突然害怕起来

熟悉的路段
常常从LRT走回家
从家里走去LRT

走到一半
突然有一种恐惧感
害怕
想立刻跑回家

发现恐惧越来越多
甚至连作梦
起身时
在外面时
多人的地方
...

开始不喜欢把脚放下
坐在椅子上，都必须交叉双脚坐着
是的，很不雅观
但我觉得有安全感


那天
我突然发现
肩膀让我有安全感
背部让我有安全感
真白痴

Terrifying

I feel terrify and I don't wanna meet anyone.

I..
..
I...

..

don't know how to face you.







....

.

Something wrong with me
..
..
..

I..

fear of the crowd.




It's the worst when you wake up
and you just don't feel like meeting anyone
especially you.
And I don't know why

Kill me pls

Me , my dreams , my thought

I bought this book last week.
Silent Boy - Torey Hayden.
And I finally read it all today. in 7 days.

I know it's not a right time to read novel or books like this now but more focusing on my SPM.
Duh duh, I know. nanana `~
This book wasn't really attract me at all , but when you read it , you would have realize every words, every sentence, every story that author trying to convey to readers are impressive.
I found no pointless in that book. It's like everything in it as a soul. A complete one.
Well , a writer should have felt that way to write a book right.

Ps : I was thinking about this guy when I read this book , and I felt it's a little like him but not that worse. And yes, zhuzhu cause of you I read this kind of book. Still I wonder can I get to help you a little in future, cause you know, we aren't in a face to face condition.

---------------------

There you go.
Here comes INCEPTION.
A quite complicated story.
Mm-hmm.
You guys should watch this , it's amazing and ~~fantastic? ha
Impressed me.

And then I woke up after a half hour sleep around 2.30am. Felt someone's hand around me, and there I saw illusion my room's window opened and someone trying to cover my mouth after I scream " Thief Thief ! ".
It just a dream anyway, when I awake and realise no one is around and I didn't really scream at all.
This scare me , I couldn't forget last time. If , If I really in my room that day in the middle of night. I would have been ...ahha` something bad.
But this kind of like imprinted in my mind and become an influence for me staying alone in my room.


I hated dreams. I never like them.
I told babe how I've been struggling over my feeling towards these.
Always, there's someone trying to take my life or kill me. Keep chasing me over and over again.. different environment , different type of "runaway style", different time..but mostly night.
And I never know what's coming in the end, and I don't want to know.
It's so scary and I would have always imagine things like this happen on me when I standing alone down at the street.

Let's see.
I am not trying to sound like a psycho .. but I hated these all.
Falling from a high building and trying to grab something..clench my fist and felt nothing in it..and still I am falling ..unbearable pressure.

Ps : Aww ! D: This is the reason I can't play roller coaster

Conversation

G : " Everytime when you ask me what happen , what's my respond ? "
B : " Nothing. "
G : " So sorry. Am I always hide ? "
B : " Why do you wanna hide ? Why don't you try to fight back ? "

.... What was that about to fight back o.o

B : " For your rights , y must you hide ? "

.... Idk

B : " well I think you should tell someone about it, you shouldn't keep it to yourself. "
G : " And I don't know what was that I keeping to myself , haa ... "
B : " Try to sit down and calm yourself , go somewhere you feel like a temp shield and from there rewind ur past and find out what's missing . "


I went to places and I know what was missing. Someone , a feeling , memories , and a year of time.
On May , that's how I felt being in the past.


I am sorry and I don't know where is the place like temp shield anymore. And what's missing again.
I am not the Chee with a cheerful smile anymore.
But emo. Haaaa pathetic

D:

哭過就好了

Haa, I know I need a shoulder for me.
And I know I need to cry out today.

When I was hugging Renee.. my tears is in the eyes.

I don't know how to express

Thank you Hassel =] for the hug.

" Shan , I am fxcking down , fxcking emo , and fxcking stress for nothing. "

D:



And I felt better after that.

Thank you Jia Wen
who prays for me

Abnormal

Speechless
No Mood.

Anti incoming calls and message

Just couldnt don't use phone because have to contact parents.

And Dot.


Hate being like this.
Hate being emo.

sudah biasa with emo , biasa don't talk , biasa faked smile.
What else, this is life.
Haa

Don't talk to me pls.
I just wanna runaway


W to C : " you don't ask her la` She is abnormal de , can't gv you a answer "
Thank you, you always know me well. ha

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Thanks to those who read my blog.
I am sorry for my emo posts`
And sorry if I made you emo.

Faith & Trust

I know I didn't update my blog for only 2 weeks.
That's long for me.

Craps.

I'll end up with this post. =]
The coming days would be very busy and I don't feel like posting up any shit here.
Sorry being rude, that's the way I like to write. :x


Chee says:
*that incident did affected me
*and I am now lose faith to everyone
*or maybe i don't trust anyone
*So i don't tell anyone about me
*I hate to explain.

EuEu ლ(╹◡╹ლ) says:
*/e7

Chee says:
*I don't like to inform anyone about me
*I don't like to explain so much ..or any shit
*even ppl ask me what's my hobby
*i will be perfunctory or anyhow say one
*end up get fuck up and shoot that person in ill-manner way or politeness way

EuEu ლ(╹◡╹ლ) says:
*muahaha i know hw u feel
*i hv been like that for 7yrs jor /e7

-----------------------------------

Someday I will be just like EuEu ?
Anti-social. =]
*thumbs up* for me ?

------------------------------------------------

Yes. Thanks to that shit of incident.
Here am I to say.
Maybe I lost my faith / trust to everyone.
How great .. and there's more and more people around me , keep saying things that make me fall again and again.
Is not that I dont wanna stand up.
Is that I don't know how to stand up.

Great.
Now I hate to explain. And I just don't like people ask me this and that.
I am just being selfish.
But there's always particular person I care and concern.. who I want them to make me feel better.
In the end , I will be emo cause I got no response from anyone.

Kay. Cause of my selfishness.
that I do not walk to a better way.
And spout nonsense here.

And that is.
After today will get myself out of this shit that being messed-up.
=]

End.

Rainy day - school

I went to school today`
What a good student I am.. =P
I thought she will be coming to sch..
So I didn't even ask such stupid qn that will she come...
But then , She didn't come =.=
First, we thought she will be late`
we saw a person look like her standing near the main gate
But then ,
As what Sook Moon said , " is teacher " ..
that crow mouth`
then suan liao....
There is only 14 or 15 students come =)
It's so cold today...
Started rain at the last period ,
It's quite fun when walking in the rain.. ^^
and I smile ..
like an idiot...
And I wonder why she didn't come...
Sigh`

--------------------------------------------

When recess`
Puiling passed by
And she make the "zhuu" lip shape to me again
And I was like ... so sensitive
Said loudly ( she's walking towards her class )
" No Zhuu anymore!!~ "
" NO ZHUU anymore "
" NOZHUUANYMORE "
And I wonder why i said it 3 times -,-
Argh... Siao me

===================================

see you!

I'm abnormal since I study in a girls school
A-B-N-O-R-M-A-L

fine... end up here :D

Is like I'm so freaking out of this stuff...
ARRR..... Can anyone tell me what happen?